Liam Gallagher wakes up, has a morning cup of tea and settles in for the day. Today’s finally the day that his first solo album, As You Were, is released to the public. It is a day that he has been anxiously awaiting for nearly 18 months.
“What a great decision it was of me to give a solo career a proper chance,” he thinks to himself, even though he decided to do it only weeks after disparaging other artists for doing the exact same thing. He never thought he would be this excited for this day to come. Checking his computer, the NME website features no less than four articles about him, including the headline feature on their website – so you know, just another day.
It’s been over twenty years since the younger Gallagher brother was on top of the world as the lead singer of Oasis. But since the band broke up after a spat at a Paris concert in 2009, Liam has been known more for his attention grabbing insults than the music he’s created. His main project after the split, Beady Eye, only proved to the public that Liam’s nasally voice was better in front of Noel’s songwriting and arrangements, to Liam’s ultimate dismay. After Beady Eye fell apart, he has been mainly spending his time conjuring up false rumors of an impending Oasis reunion on his Twitter account. He blames Noel for being the perpetrator, and as the only reason why Oasis can’t reunite and play the big stadiums like they used to and make all their fans happy. If only he had a genie and a magic lamp, his first wish would be to go back to 1996, when everything he touched turned to gold – though he won’t admit that to anyone.
The phone rings – who is it? It’s the NME looking for another interview, asking him pointed questions to get another classic Liam Gallagher line that slacks someone or something off, something that will satiate its readers for a day until the next article about him is published. He gladly accepts the phone call and gives them a few lines that he won’t be able to remember in a few days’ time – something about calling Noel a “POTATO” and insult him for hob-nobbing with Bono, Johnny Marr and Paul Weller. That’ll show Noel, hah, that twat.
He hangs up the phone, cracks open a lager, plays some FIFA, and waits. He has a few tour dates coming up that he’s excited to do. It’s been a while, but its second nature to him at this point, the routine is in the books, and he knows what makes the crowd go crazy. He’ll get up on stage and knock ‘em dead like he used to – arms tucked behind his back, hiding behind his sunglasses, wearing a trench coat. He’ll emphatically knock through a few of the tracks from As You Were, which he’ll spend a copious amount of time talking up while he’s on stage as the best work that he’s ever done. He’ll sing a couple of Oasis tunes that he wrote just to keep the fans happy, not for his own sake, of course. The crowd will egg him on to say something – he’ll call Noel’s band The High Flying Birds something clever like “high flying turds.” That’ll show Noel, hah, that twat.
Speaking of Noel, that “SHITBAG” of a brother has a new album coming out only weeks after Liam drops his. “That’s classic Noel,” Liam thinks to himself. “The work I’ve done since Oasis split up has been better than anything Noel has done!” he tells himself unconvincingly. “’Wall of Glass’ and ‘For What It’s Worth’ is the sound of a new era – people will be grateful to me for not giving them more of that swirling psychedelic bull crap that Noel has been churning out – THIS is the sound of rock and roll! This is the sound that people have been dying to hear!”
He stops for a moment, takes a sip of lager, and looks at the phone again, exhaling deeply. How he wishes that Noel would just give him a call.